Just Some Early Morning Trauma…

Have you ever had someone knock on your second-story bedroom window while whisper-yelling “let me in!” at 3 in the morning? This happened to me the other night. And no, it was not a dream.

At first I didn’t know what was happening. All I knew was that I was startled awake by something. I heard tapping on my window and thought it might be a tree branch. As I laid there, the tapping became more and more intense. Then I heard the whisper-yelling: “Bekka! Let me in!”

I instinctively grabbed my phone off my nightstand (because it offers so much protection? Because I was going to call someone? I still can’t figure that one out). I saw that there were 3 missed calls from my sister. Weird. The knocking became even more intense. It was beating. I really thought my window was going to break.

After I heard the whisper-yelling about 4 more times, I decided to close my eyes and avoid looking out the window. If someone’s face was in it, I didn’t want to see. I rolled out of my bed (still in a completely horizontal position) and crawled across my bedroom floor. (Let me remind you that I am rather groggy at 3 in the morning. I wasn’t really thinking logically.) I just knew that I didn’t want to sit up in my bed and be staring into the eyes of another human being.

I made my way across my bedroom floor and opened the door. Without turning on my bedroom light, or any light for that matter, I crawled into the hallway. Then, I stood up (because the staircase is shielded from windows) and walked down the stairs to my front door. At that point, I really didn’t know what to do. My front window isn’t at the right angle to see all the way to my bedroom window. So I probably did the dumbest thing ever: I opened the front door.

It was just a crack, but I got a good enough view to see who the freak was who was surely standing on a ladder trying to break my bedroom window with his fists…

Her fists? Wait… her shovel?

After I figured out who it was, I opened the door wider. Standing there in my front yard, with a shovel raised above her head was my sister. Standing right below my bedroom, she was hitting my window with the shovel and whisper-yelling, “Bekka! Just let me in!” At that point, she saw the door open and headed toward me. I was ticked. As soon as she got to the door, I started whisper-yelling at her.

Me: “At what point did you think it was a good idea to break my bedroom window with a shovel while whisper-yelling my name and telling me to let you in?! Let me tell ya, that right there makes me want to just open the door right up for you!”

Leeah: “Oh my gosh! I didn’t even think about it like that! I called your phone a million times!” (3. I got 3 missed calls.) “Someone locked the bottom lock, so I couldn’t get in!”

Me: “Dude, I didn’t even unlock the bottom lock. I twisted the deadbolt to unlock the door.”

Leeah: “No, I swear, it was locked.”

Whether it was locked or not, that was one of the most horrifically terrifying experiences of my life. P.s. The whisper-yelling was what freaked me out the most. When I first heard it, this is what went through my head:

Lord of the RingsOkay, you can judge me now.

More Bathroom Embarrassment

Okay, just one more bathroom story. Then, I promise I’ll talk about something else for a while.

I went out for my friend’s 22nd birthday a couple months ago. A group of us decided to go bowling and after that, we went out to eat at this tiny diner. (By that time, it was like 1 am.) The company was good. We sat there and sang Taylor Swift’s “22” to him, and it was generally a great time. After we ate and sat there for a while, we all started to get tired so we got up and started to leave. On this particular night, my sister and I rode together, and right before we walked outside she stated that she needed to use the bathroom. One of our friends that was walking out with us agreed, so we turned around to use the facilities.

Alright, so far everything is normal.

My bathroom experience was normal, so was my sister’s. My sister and I popped a squat on a little bench outside the bathrooms to wait for our friend to get done.

That’s when all bathroom hell broke loose. (That was definitely an exaggeration.)

This guy walked out of the men’s bathroom with, I swear to you, ten feet of toilet paper attached to his heel. You guys, I’ve only seen this kind of thing happen in the movies. He just walked by us (by the time he reached the end of the bathroom hallway, the TP had detached itself from his foot) and I just sat there in shock. I had never seen that happen to anyone before… How does that happen? Like, I check my feet every time after I use public restrooms. I thought everyone did that.

My sister and I looked at each other at the same time… and we freaking lost it. (It was like 2:30 by this time… we were slap happy anyway.) We were both in tears from laughing so hard. We weren’t laughing at him, we were laughing at his situation… because I promise you, it’s hilarious when you see that in real life.

At that point, our friend came out of the bathroom. She took one look at the ten feet of TP on the floor and another look at my sister and I doubled over laughing on the bench. We tried to explain between breaths what just happened and she said:

“Sometimes I think I’m having a bad day, then things like this happen to other people…”

In unrelated bathroom news, I go to school with the Hulk. I walked into the bathroom on the silent floor of my school’s library and found this gem. Feel free to create your own story about what happened here:Stall Door