So this is embarrassing…
The other day, I walked into the bathroom at school. It was fairly normal, just like any other day walking into the bathroom. There was no one else in there, so I just took a random stall and closed the door behind me. I hung my purse on the little peg on the back of the door and took off my coat to hang it up as well. I proceeded to sit down and do my thang. But right as I was reaching for the toilet paper, the realization that I broke Restroom Rule #1 hit me. I forgot to check to make sure the stall actually had toilet paper.
I almost cursed, y’all. It got real in that stall for a hot minute.
Since I’ve never broken Restroom Rule #1 (that was a 20-year record I had going), a thousand questions ran through my mind all at once. What do I do? Do I sit here and drip dry? (Gross.) Do I wait for someone to come in the bathroom and then plead with them to hand me TP? (That wouldn’t have worked. I was on my way to cover a story I was writing and I had to be on time. The universe would have repelled women from my restroom’s location.) Do I try to reach under the stall wall and unravel some TP from the stall next to me? (I tried that. My arm hurts and it doesn’t work.)
I was at a loss. But, thankfully I remembered this is 2014 and my iPhone was in my coat pocket. I leaned forward to grab my coat off the hook and took out my phone. I dialed my sister because I knew she was in the building (actually, she was right outside the bathroom door at the time) and the following conversation went down:
Me: “Hi… Ummm… I need some toilet paper. Don’t judge me.”
Leeah: “BAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!” (I swear she laughed so hard. Not nice.) “You’re a hot mess.”
After she got done judging me, she went into the stall next to mine and handed me some TP under the door.
Me: “Ummm… I hate to bother you… BUT WHO THE HECK USES ONE SQUARE OF TOILET PAPER TO WIPE?! A little more…please.”
Leeah: “Dang, girl! How much TP do you think you need?”
As if the situation wasn’t already uncomfortable, she now wanted me to explain what amount of TP I desired because her suggested amount wasn’t good enough?! Haha. No. Thank God I didn’t have to ask a stranger to perform this completely irrational TP-fetching task.
It might have been my imagination, but I swear to you, this came next. She’s totally fired by the way.
Moral of the story: Do NOT, by any means, violate Restroom Rule #1. Your friends will laugh at you and you won’t get a good wipe.